“Keep jobs in America”, “Buy American”, “Buy Local”

I get it. Support your local economy — the people in your community or country that are most connected to you.

But, at the same time, I don’t get it. It feels superficial and even anti-humanitarian to me.

We’re all on this same journey together. The man in India or Brazil or China is trying to sustain or further himself, just as the rest of us are.

Let’s get this blog machine dusted off and humming again with a simple observation that I’ve found to be true:

It’s very easy to come up with reasons why something won’t work.  It’s much harder to figure out a way to make it work.

This is important to understand if you’re interested in new ideas and new ways of doing things. Think about the implications.

-Kevin
4.27.2012

“Death comes for us all”

Insights often come from strange places.  And when I heard this quote in a movie when I was about eight years old, it stuck with me.  As for where I heard this, I’ll tell you some other time, as it might distract from the point of this post.  But the point is, we do have a deadline.

~

Today, an important friend, a centerpiece of my community, was found dead.  This was someone I spoke to at least every other day, and sometimes every day.  And this morning, I walked into the kitchen as I usually do, to find him gone.  And then, only to discover the news.

There have been a string of deaths very close to me over the last 8 months, and the message is starting to reverberate through my head louder and louder:

A key assumption that we make is that we have time.

Everyone knows we each have a deadline waiting for us.  But, it’s unknown when it could be, and therefore easily pushed out of mind.  The consequence is that we’re mostly procrastinators.

Depending on how you calculate it, for a healthy white male at age 25, my life expectancy is supposedly around 75 years old.  I’m not betting on reaching that for various reasons. And, until further notice, I’m going to assume I won’t make it past age 59.  And I’ll feel lucky to make it that far in good health.  I have my reasons for choosing this number.

It might seem bizarre to you to make this assumption.  But I’m already feeling the benefits.

This post actually isn’t a grim one at all, so go back and re-read if you feel it is.  Death gives life meaning and challenge.  Things are easy if you have unlimited time and resources, which is boring.  And if we were all Superman, we wouldn’t have the chance to be brave.  We dilute our opportunities to show courage, to have purpose, to build something that lives longer than our bodies by making the assumption that this is going to go on forever.

It’ll be fun to see what happens between now and 2046.

Kevin
3.17.2012

This blog is a sampling of my consciousness, and it gives me an avenue to speak to others and to speak to no one.  So I’ll put something here I want to say to no one and to everyone at the same time: “Tom, it was an honor and pleasure to have had the chance to spend so much time with you over the years.  Thanks for the lessons.  And I’m happy to have the chance to take you forward in my memories.”

To the Naysayers, Critics, and Haters,

I don’t always do everything right.  I don’t always say the right things.  I’ve made a lot of wrong decisions, and I’ve got a lot to learn.

But nonetheless, I’ve got some incredibly ambitious goals.

Because I know it’s a tragedy to set your goals too low. Life has no meaning without challenge, and I’ve set myself up to have a lifetime of challenge.

And no matter what you or anyone else has to say, those goals aren’t going to get any smaller.  They’re here to stay.

But, go ahead.  Tell me I’m not smart enough.  Tell me I don’t have the connections.  Tell me I don’t have the money, or the influence.  Say anything you like.

I want you to.

I’ve got a chapter in my biography for you.  Here’s the title:

Eat Your Fucking Words

And I’ll be shouting that as I take home the gold, the girl, and the championship belt.

Sincerely yours,

Kevin Vogelsang
2.29.2012

Hopefully you can make use of it yourself with some minor tweaks.  If you can, I think you’re doing some things right.

-Kevin
3.10.2012

I was talking with my friends Jimmy and the Juggernaut this past week, and we stumbled across the subject of motivation.

Jimmy has had some significant success in his domain, and now is able to work professionally in it.  Not a simple feat.  So I asked him, what motivates you in your craft?

I expected him to say, “love of the game” or something like that, as is often the case for people in many domains. He listed a number of motivators, but, however, he surprised me that he first opened with “proving people wrong.”  To paraphrase the concept he was describing,

“all the people that say you can’t, the girl that broke up with you, the guy that thought he was better–these were all motivators for me”

This topic and this particular response came at an interesting time…

~

There are 2 fundamental types of motivation: internal and external.

Internal motivators include things like enjoyment of the task, curiosity, and the desire for mastery.

External motivators include your salary, grades in school, punishment, and about anything that is given to you by an external entity in exchange for some sort of action.

I’ve always been very internally motivated.  I’ve never been good at doing things I don’t want to do.  I don’t care too much about what people say — usually.  The only reason I want more money is so I can build and invent more things.

I figured this was just my personality, and I’ve always thought intrinsic motivation was a superior form of motivation.  However, I’ve realized this is stupid. There are no higher or lower forms of motivation. What you want is to channel as much motivation as possible in the right direction and take advantage of it in as many forms as possible to maximize your personal drive.

This realization, Jimmy’s comments, a few reflections, and a particular recent episode have all intersected at an interesting time when I’ve had a huge boost of external motivation.  Here’s how:

Fairly recently, and to sum it up quickly, I was in a meeting where someone essentially called me a “nobody.”

Following this episode, other small instances keep popping into my head, small slights against me in the business world that I let slide for various reasons.  For example, when I was younger, I went and interviewed with a company where the interviewer was 45 minutes late and was on his goddam phone the whole time barely even listening to my answers to his questions (I will not work with this particular investment firm ever again.)

Normally, I just write these people off.  The world is full of people like this that don’t deserve any further attention.  However, something changed.  There started to be lines drawn between these incidents.  And now, when I think about it, I don’t see myself just wading through the sea of the business world. I see a playing field.

Competition is a major external motivator for people.  It’s about pride.  Knowing you’re the best and not letting anyone take that from  you, and if they do, getting it back and making sure they never have that joy of winning over you again. And generally, I think it’s better to stay focused on what you’re doing, be your harshest critic, and master your game.  Forget everyone else.  However, I’ve learned something here.  If you can identify your arena, and use it to your advantage, do it.  The business world isn’t a zero-sum game like most sporting events, they don’t have to lose in order for you to win.  But you can certainly make them admit, “that guy is way out of my league.”

This leads me to an upcoming post that I’ll finalize very soon.  It’s a simple one.  But I hope you’ll enjoy and apply the thought to the arena of your own choice.

Stay hungry.

-Kevin
2.27.2012

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

~

Unfortunately this is reflective of something very important

Most people are cowards that are controlled by fear, not by their highest desires.

Fear of letting others down, fear of embarrassment, these things easily control people.  But, it doesn’t have to be this way.

In my experience, the real problem is the inability to make a decision and commit to it.  Instead, most people end up in the “Half-assed Trap” where they don’t make a decision and therefore cannot take deliberate and directed action.  The consequence is getting nothing that you particularly wanted, or not learning anything, and getting owned by fear.

Dating a girl and serially cheating on them.  Half-heartedly working at a job that you say “is just paying the bills.” These are 2 common examples of cowardice.  For some reason, we live under this wild illusion that not making any decision is better than making the wrong decision.

Everything has an opportunity cost. And at any given time, I can think of other things that would be awesome to do–I think this is the same for most people.  My strategy that I’ve evolved over the years:  Take your options, weigh them in light of what you know about yourself, make a decision with clear rationale, and then “burn the boats” — there is no turning back, no escape routes.

This is an extreme approach.  It may not be necessary or right for you depending on what you’re chasing.  For me, I’m certain that it is. But, we’ll see.

One decision I have made and one thing I do know: I will not suffer the regrets of cowardice, and I will not be saying on my deathbed “I wish I’d had the courage.”

-Kevin
2.26.2012

For one, for people such as my self, romantic relationships can be a bit of an achilles heel.  I’ve created some major personal goals in order to have a lifetime of challenge, and I know this is what I need. Choosing romantic relationships poorly is something that could destroy my ability to reach these. Additionally, relationships take a lot of time, attention, and energy, which are all things I’m short on.

Secondly, I’m at an age where my friends are starting to get married.  It seems to be going well for some of them.  For others, it’s already proven to be a mistake I’m afraid.

These are just two of the reasons this is something that I’d like to unravel with your help.  Below is a discussion of a few items, ideas, and issues that have been raised in discussion to me or I’ve come across in my reading that I’d appreciate any comments on.

Basic assumptions: Monogamous or not?

I think it’s worth starting with base assumptions.  One of the most crucial assumptions for most of us is that we’re going to choose one person, who will be our romantic partner forever.  My favorite author, Mihaly, offers an interesting analysis to get us started:

“There have been endless discussions about whether humans are naturally promiscuous, polygamous, or monogamous; and whether in  terms of cultural evolution monogamy is the highest form of family organization.  It is important to realize that these questions deal only with the extrinisic conditions shaping marriage relationships.  And on that count, the bottom line seems to be that marriages will take the form that most efficiently ensures survival.  Even members of the same animal species will vary their patterns of relationship so as to adapt best in a given environment.  For instance, the male long-billed marsh wren (Cistothorus palustris) is polygamous in Washington, where swamps vary in quality and females are attracted to those few males who have rich territories, leaving the less lucky ones to a life of enforced bachelorhood.  The same wrens are monogamous in Georgia, not so much because that state is aprt of the Bible Belt, but because the marshes all have roughly the same amount of food and cover, and so each male can attract a doting spouse to an equally comfortable nesting site.

The form the human family takes is a response to similar kinds of envirnomental pressures.  In terms of extrinsic reasons, we are monogamous because in technological societies based on a money economy, time has proven this to be a more convenient arrangement.  But the issue we have to confront as individuals is not whether humans are “naturally” monogamous or not, but whether we want to be monogamous or not.  And in answering that question, we need to weigh all the consequences of our choice.

It is customary to think of marriage as the end of freedom, and some refer to their spouses as “old ball-and-chain.” The notion of family life typically implies constraints, responsibilities that interfere with one’s goals and freedom of action.  While this is true, especially when the marriage is one of convenience, what we tend to forget is that these rules and obligations are no different, in principle, than those rules that constrain behavior in a game.  Like all rules, they exclude a wide range of possibilities so that we might concentrate fully on a selected set of options.

Cicero once wrote that to be completely free one must become a slave to a set of laws.  In other words, accepting limitations is liberating.  For example, by making up one’s mind to invest psychic energy exclusively in a monogamous marriage, regardless of any problems, obstacles, or more attractive options that may come along later, one is freed of the constant pressure of trying to maximize emotional returns.  Having made the commitment that an old-fashioned marriage demands, and having made it willingly instead of being compelled by tradition, a person no longer needs to worry whether she has made the right choice, or whether the grass might be greener somewhere else.  As a result a great deal of energy gets freed up for living, instead of being spent on wondering about how to live.”

-Mihaly Cziksentmihalyi, Flow

I certainly have no problem with going against societal norms if it makes sense, but in my experience, and observations of the world, monogamous marriages and relationships seem to have a much greater “ROI” than non-monogamous relationships–if you’re in them for the right reasons.  The value of having a person you can count by itself is huge. And as Mihaly points out, constraining how you live your life also improves your ability to increase the quality of living.

For me, particularly as an extremely private person that hates “complicatedness”, I’m quite certain I’m sold on this one.  But it’s worth thinking about how and why this attitude might vary.

Roles that your spouse might fulfill

In life, there are many roles that you need people to fill in order to help you live a happy and stable life.  When it comes to longterm romantic relationship, I see 7 roles that they might fill:

1. Friend — someone you have fun with and share experiences with
2. Lover — sexual partner
3. Confidante — the person you can tell anything without worrying about appearing to be weak or stupid, source of support
4. Mother/Father of your children — this seems to deserve a separate line item
5. Teacher/Coach — someone you can learn from that wants to help you develop and get better
6. Muse — a source of challenge, inspiration, and energy

No one is perfect, and it might be unreasonable to think that your spouse can fill all of these perfectly at any given time (much less, forever).  It then seems that the best strategy is to have a spouse that fills the roles that are most important for you, and to then fill the remainder of the roles through other relationships.

But, at the same time, I want to say that it’s not unrealistic for someone to learn, over time, how to fill all of these for you.  I’m not sure on this one.

Staying engaged: Forever is a long time

If you go with this idea of picking one person forever, getting bored with each other is a MAJOR concern.  Especially if you don’t like being bored.

Mihaly has a very cogent set of thoughts on this:

“The balancing of challenges and skills is another factor as necessary in enjoying social relationships in general, and family life in particular, as it is for any other flow activity.  When a man and a woman are first attracted to each other, the opportunities for action are usually clear enough.  Ever since the dawn of time, the most basic challenge for the swain has been “Can I maker her?” and for the maid, “Can I catch him?”  Usually, and depending on the partners’ level of skill, a host of more complex challenges are also perceived: to find out what sort of a person the other really is, what movies she likes, what he thinks about South Africa, and whether the encounter is likely to develop into a “meaningful relationship.”  Then there are fun things to do together, places to visit, parties to go to and talk about afterward, and so on.

With time one gets to know the other person well, and the obvious challenges have been exhausted.  All the usual gambits have been tried; the other person’s reaction have become predictable.  Sexual play has lost its first excitement.  At this point, the relationship is in danger of becoming a boring routine that might be kept alive by mutual convenience, but is unlikely to provide further enjoyment, or spark a new growth in complexity.  The only way to restore flow to the relationshiop is by finding new challenges in it.

These might involve steps as simple as varying the routines of eating, sleeping, or shopping.  They might involve making an effort to talk together about new topics of conversation, visiting new places, making new friends.  More than anything else they involve paying attention to the partner’s own complexity, getting to know her at deeper levels than were necessary in the earlier days of the relationship, supporting him with sympathy and compassion during the inevitable changes that the years bring.  A complex relationship sooner or later faces the big question:whether the two partners are ready to make a lifelong commitment.  At that point, a whole new set of challenges presents itself: raising a family together, getting involved in broader community affairs when the children have grown up, working alongside one another.  Of course, these things cannot happen without extensive inputs of energy and time; but the payoff in terms of the quality of experience is usually more than worth it.”

-Mihaly Cziksentmihalyi, Flow

I subscribe heavily to the idea “Life has no meaning without challenge.”  And, if your spouse is someone that challenges you, or is someone that takes on challenges with you, it seems to me boredom won’t be an issue.  So I suppose a good compatibility test might be to answer the question: “is your partner’s interest in taking on challenges commensurate with yours?”

There are some types of challenges that you can foresee that can be talked about directly, such as raising children. But, over a lifetime, there are many challenges that you can’t foresee that you’ll want to or have to engage in.  And if your spouse is the type that just likes to sit back and watch TV all day, and you’re interested in learning to surf, scuba dive, whatever, there’s a high chance boredom comes around very quickly.

Just Making it work

This puzzle of finding the right fit can be enormously complex.  Moreover, humans are pretty terrible at predicting the future.   So it’s possible that the best strategy really is quite simple: find someone that you enjoy and trust, that is also willing and ready to work through whatever life throws at you.  Make a decision and stick with it.

I’ve found that any partnership (business or otherwise) takes a lot of work in order to produce dividends. Things are hard and bad stuff happens.  But it’s only through making the commitment that you really profit.  Without that commitment, you run away too soon at the sign of discomfort.

I’m not sure this is the right strategy, at least not in all cases.  But it’s certainly possible.

~

Just some thoughts.  Comments and discussion are welcome.  You know how to reach me.

-Kevin
2.20.2012

When you look at many of the “Great” contributors of society, men and women that have made significant contributions to human consciousness, if you remove all the glory, they often seem cookier than the guy on the street yelling at no one.

A correlation between Madness and Genius seems to exist. Possibly even a causal relationship.

Greatness doesn’t come from being in the middle of the bell curve.  It comes from being at the furthest tip of the curve or beyond.  The problem is, escaping the middle of the curve is difficult, there is so much inertia that wants to keep you caged there.  Rules, practices, traditions, genetics, governments, excuses, doubt, all these things force you back into the middle.  Ultimately, escaping all these forces requires some extreme types of behavior–what we’d call deviant behavior.  Behavior that steps into the realm of bizarre, maniacal, or outright wacky.

But the truth is, deviant behavior opens doors to new things.  You’d think it was pretty fucking weird if all I did was eat, sleep, and throw a ball at a red fleck of paint on the wall standing 100 feet away.  But,  this obsession has some probability of creating an opportunity that I’ll have access to that you won’t.

This doesn’t mean being outwardly weird is a requirement for being great.  Rather, this cookiness comes as a side effect.  You don’t have to act like a wack-job to paint great portraits.  But, the lust for something different and new and interesting and cathartic sometimes seems to seep out in other ways beyond just the primary pursuit.

So what’s the difference between a Genius and a Madman?

On the superficial level–money, power, fame. You can’t talk smack when the quivering idiot has a hand full of aces and you don’t.

But we can dive further than this.  As far as I can see, there’s 2 deeper differences:

1) Context. In one context, throwing a ball at a wall all day in new and different ways could just seem outright dumb.  Throwing a ball in the same manner while standing on a pitcher’s mound in a baseball game could be brilliant.  If you can’t hear the music, the dancer looks crazy.  And if you’re in the wrong spot, your gift can seem like a curse.

2) Adaptability. It’s possible that the genius is better able to focus his “madness” in ways that are more beneficial.  The genius is able to find his way to the edge where madness bears gifts, no matter the Context.

These aren’t mutually exclusive, and likely, it’s some sort of  co-evolutionary process.

But, if I were to choose the one that really matters, I’d choose Context.

This may be the product of my biased view of the world that everything comes from the expression of our internal state.  Every action we take is an expression–whether we like it or not. If you’re controlled by your lowest desires, you become a despicable brute.  If your head is empty, you’ll be controlled by the contorted thoughts of dictators–something must fill your mind, and it will be filled for you if you don’t.

And when I look at great people, I see their internal state coming out loud and clear.  They’re clawing towards where they’re compelled to go–driven by intense pain or pleasure or both.  They’re doing what they do and spend their lives trying to get to where they can do more of it.  As far as I can tell, they didn’t change themselves.  They found their own way to their ray of light.

So maybe the primary difference really is just Context.  But then does it boil down to luck of birth? where you’re born and when?

Sure, that has something do with it.  But I have this insane belief that people are stronger than circumstance, and that, metaphorically speaking, Alchemists and Wizards and Ubermen exist, and I think that’s the right belief to hold.  Great physicists and writers escaped terrible prisons in the middle of Siberia so that they could be united with their craft. How many great phsysicists or writers died in the same process, we’ll never know. But the belief that we’re strong creates a probability of success.

So maybe this post boils down to these two thoughts:

a) If you’re a Madman, and if you believe you are strong, keep moving until you find yourself in the right place.

b) If you’re just an average joe, be glad you’re not a Madman, love your stable environment, kick back, enjoy the show the Madmen will provide, and hope it doesn’t destroy your world.

-Kevin
1.27.2012

The short of it:

1) Go to this site (http://bit.ly/zM4UW2) and donate $10 to help my friend achieve her dream. (You’ll find more info there on how the money is used.)

2) Reach out to one person you’ve genuinely been meaning to get in touch with, and see if they’re willing to pitch in. (You can tell them it was my idea if you don’t like asking people for money.  feel free to blame it on me.)

The full version, and why you should do this:

“dreams” are things we long for. They seem to be slippery and fleeting.  We have lots when we’re kids.  They diffuse away as we get older.

This sure seems to be the case, because as far as I can tell, not that many people have them.  Not dreams that are strong enough to drive them to take deliberate steps to achieve them.

How many people do you know that have a real dream that they want more than anything?

~

I have a friend.  Her dream is to run in the Boston Marathon, as a numbered runner, and complete it in under 4 hours.  Moreover, she’s running for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, and her goal is to raise over $5,000 for the cause.

She mentioned this years ago, and she’s doing it.  She’s right on track.

However, dreams aren’t achieved without the support of others. Afterall, none of us really work alone. And we should want to see each other achieve our dreams, because it’s a reminder to the rest of us that we can achieve our own.

So how can we help her achieve this?

She needs a little more than $4,000 to reach her goal.  For people with income, $10 is a reasonable sum of money to give, which means she just needs 400 people to donate at least $10.

~

We’ve all probably met hundreds of people in life.  We fall out of touch with many of them.  This offers an opportunity to get back in touch with a few of them.

I’ll call this the “400 by 10 ” challenge.  This needs to be done in approximately 30 days.  Here’s what I propose:

• I’m going to start reaching out to people to re-connect and to see if they’re willing to donate $10.  Of course, I won’t be able to reach 400 people in time.  So……
• If you can, take the opportunity to reach out to 1 person you’ve genuinely been meaning to talk to, and see if they’re up for helping.
  • Perhaps you might say, “Kevin Vogelsang wrote this post (http://bit.ly/zaXvE2).  Reminded me I needed to catch up with you.  If you’re up for it, play along and kick in $10 at this girl’s Boston Marathon fundraising page (http://bit.ly/zM4UW2). Anyway, ……”  Something like that.

I have a feeling getting involved will energize you, and get you thinking about your own dreams.  Let us know how we can support. (Seriously, send me an email.)

I appreciate your help. Things come full circle.

-Kevin
1.18.2012

I have a younger brother named Michael.  He’s a junior in high school, smart kid, and a really good football player (starting defensive end on a very good team).

When I was visiting home for the holidays, I learned something interesting: apparently he bakes a whole plate of cookies for all his friends on their birthdays.  And when he doesn’t know someone, but feels he should, he does the same for them as well.

Upon learning this, I thought to myself, “wow, that’s unbelievable.”  I was really impressed, and even inspired.  He’s busy just like the rest of us and does things like this for people.

~

Later, I of course started thinking about this.  Was I ever that kind? Have I gotten overly-selfish?

Making your way out in the world can be tough.  Sometimes you have to be near-ruthless to protect yourself and get what you need.  And amidst all the elbows, calamity, pain, and weariness, I worry we become much colder people.

And very likely, this transformation is needless and counter-productive.

~

I’d been thinking about this for a while.  And then something funny happened the other day….

So there I was, sitting at my computer, feeling lousy.  I was tired from travelling.  I had multiple personal issues spring up that were distressing.  I also hadn’t exercised or written in a while which didn’t help.  I couldn’t concentrate and didn’t have the energy to do anything I wanted to do, so I naturally started wasting some time on facebook.  Then, rather unexpectedly, this message popped up on my screen from a grade school classmate:

Hey Kevin, you probably don’t remember me, but my mom and I saw you guys at christmas eve mass and were talking about back when we were in school. I remember once when I was upset you came over and gave me a hug at recess, I just want to let you know that it meant a lot to me and I’ve never forgotten it. I appreciate how kind you were to me.

Amazing.  She remembered something that happened over 10 years ago, and thought to send me a message.  And it came to me in (what is thankfully) a rare moment of sharp lousiness.  It helped get me back up and at it.

~

Kindness is powerful, and we forget it.  And we become a bit too callous.

Moreover, it doesn’t require great investments, just open eyes and a few moments.  Something small to you could be large to someone else.

Remember?

-Kevin
1.17.2011

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness” – Seneca